I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Come on in and take your pants off
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