Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
