So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
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