I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
then he tried to convert me to islam
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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