If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
