Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
He's on the porch naked. Help.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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