my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
