Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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