You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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