Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
