I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
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