Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
