Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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