omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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