He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
