Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
do herpes really smell.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
