some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
