Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
