Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Randomize
