I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
