so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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