He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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