i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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