you turned your livingroom into a bong?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
