Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Randomize
