Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize