Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
