I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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