Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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