wat bout pragnant strippers??
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
