My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
