Swine flu. Run for my life!
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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