I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
