first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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