Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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