I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
