shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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