I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
