even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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