i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
