is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Randomize
