Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
there was a trapeze. enough said
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
