You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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