I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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