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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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