dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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