so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
