So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
