he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
