Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
