you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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