I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
