who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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