Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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