her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
is wine microwaveable?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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