all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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