"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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