what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
