if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
What drink are we having for lunch?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
