whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
