I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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