Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
