I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Randomize
