dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
