toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize