Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
We need a shit load of segways right now
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
