saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
