Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
