I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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