hotel room ftw
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
