that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
