I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
