Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
