i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Randomize
